Finding Myself

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out a great post to pass along for Vic to use. But lately I have just been drawing complete blank, no idea where I am going or what I am doing. So I decided to just jump in head first and see what happens. Maybe something meaningful will come from it, maybe something funny, who knows. Plus the last time that I wrote for her I did something horribly depressing and dramatic; I wanted to change that somehow this time.

So I sat and I thought about it, I straight up pondered. I thought to myself, “what makes me happy,” and I didn’t know how to answer that. Isn’t that strange? To not know what makes you happy. I mean I wanted something more than just my children, or my husband, etc. I wanted it to be something completely separate from them… something all to myself. But what was that?

The only thing that came to mind that was, currently, completely mine, and that was my blog. Amazing; depressing? I was on the fence lol.

I have discovered that blogging is my main source of “finding myself.” The number one way, that, I stay slightly tethered to the world and somehow feel heard. I find myself having days where I feel like I am screaming at the top of my lungs and nothing is coming out. A dream that often haunts me at night; I am running and shouting to warn someone, but nothing is exiting my lungs. Not one thought is heard, no one stirs to my distress. I keep finding more and more bloggers that feel the same. That blogging is a form of “validation” to them, and that is sooo important.

With all of these thoughts screaming through my head I guess I still didn’t write up a great post, but it certainly is a window into how I feel about all my readers. Somehow I am connected to each and every one of you, as I would have never met you had it not been for this medium I decided to express myself thru.


find out more about eschelle here on her blog