When you're busy taking care of everyone from your kids to your husband to your family and friends, your co-workers and bosses, you sometimes forget to take care of you. We often get tied up in life and don't realize how important it is to take a moment out of each day to breathe and satisfy our needs. There isn't enough time in a day to get everything done. There isn't enough hands to be here and there but somehow, as a mother I find that doing everything all at once and tending to their every need is crucial. I jump when they call for me or if I hear them get up or cough at night, I'm right there. I ask them repeatedly if they're alright, if everything is okay, if they need anything. It's overwhelming how much I nourish them but I do it because I don't ever want them to feel neglected or unprotected. I want them to be happy, safe and guided, without them ever feeling an ounce of reject.
I put on this happy face each day for my kids and show them how important it is to be confident. I want nothing more than joy and proudness. But at the same time, life brings sadness and heartache. When I hear things that I don't want to know about, it makes me angry and more deeply, sad. My heart aches for the innocent children. My anger is towards the adults with no brain. I stand strong and hold it in. But at some point it has to be set free.
Sitting alone, I look around and wonder what his plan is for us. The thoughts I have brings tears to my eyes. Imagining how things are going to be without certain people in your life is sad. You can't help but wonder why things happen the way they do. It just is. Each and everyday, my focus is on my girls. The ones that I gave life to. Whom I created. I can't wait to see their pretty faces after school, feed them, bathe them and sing to them. Share smiles and stories with them. It's an everyday joy for me. and ninety nine point nine percent of the time i don't let what goes on in someone else's life affect mine. I often tune things out and carry on.
As I sat in the shower and let the water rain on me, I cried my soul out. And as the water got cold, my body formed goosebumps. But I needed to cry. For them. For me. I needed to melt and the car wasn't the place. The place was here. Here in my home where I felt safe and where I could finally let it all go. It was a time to bleed for them and although they may never know, I do.
I'm taking the time to breathe. To renew. To let it all go. Standing alone and free. Free from heartache, from a life of pain. I face the days God gives me and will wrap them with thankfulness. His way is my path. My road to satisfaction. My road to freedom, love and happiness.
and he's my ONLY cup of tea.
